When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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