Small penises have feelings too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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