I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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