Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
