There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
