Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
