Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
