Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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