I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
