im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
