Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
