I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
