Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
