I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize