So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
