why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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