What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
