He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
