the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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