can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
