what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
