The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
