Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
