he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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