We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
