but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
