the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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