Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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