Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
