I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
