i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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