Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
