I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
