my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.