I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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