You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos