I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.