i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now