omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The uberlube is also flammable
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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