i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
