thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
as a side note pls kill me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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