There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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