I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
