never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
