How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
