One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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