I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
