i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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