Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
