The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
