my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
