and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
