I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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