I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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