it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
