"it" just moved
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
