3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
