O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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