I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
