I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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