I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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