Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
