the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
