I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
