Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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