If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
