My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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