he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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