it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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