It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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