You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
