Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
