i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
