I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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