I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
