I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Vodka?
Forever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
