i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
