it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
