So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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