Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
