i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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