I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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