Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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