omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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