Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
