I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
