my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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