On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Actions speak louder than pants.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
