That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
